I shouldn't be blogging. There are so many things I should be doing right now. Our life is about to change and I need to get ready. I really am not a great fan of change. I like to feel the security of what I know.
This morning however, I realise that it is 10 years since we first made another big decision - the decision to have a baby. We felt settled, and secure and ready for our family to grow.
This morning I wondered, if I could speak to myself 10 years ago, what would I tell myself? Here is it......
Dear my(24yearold)self,
You are very blessed! You have a wonderful family, you have an amazing husband who loves you more than you realise! He will be with your strength and comfort through times that only the two of you will share. You have made it through 2 years of marriage, and have worked through a few differences of opinions - there will be more to come, but perhaps these have been the main ones!
Everything is going great. Apart from teaching the most difficult class you will have, things are nice and easy. You enjoy time away on weekends, and you're even planning an overseas holiday!
You have just made a big decision - to have a baby. I know since you were little you have dreamt of this. You sat with your mums baby books and wrote out lists of what you would need when you had your own baby. You love the smell of baby talcum powder and imagine how happy Jonathan will be to have a son or daughter. This is it!
Let me tell you, things don't always go to plan. When life gets hard - and it will get so very difficult - you will make it through. When you think there are no more tears to cry, there will be more but laughter will come again. When you despise yourself and everything you are not, you will eventually find peace. You will get up and you will face another day - and another, and another until finally you don't have to think about it.
You have a God - a God who loves you and who knows what is best for you. A God who will never turn His back from you, but will turn all things to good. You may question Him at times, but hold on to His Word - it is truth and life. It will keep you from falling.
Stay strong, and never give up on HOPE.
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