All Too Familiar.

Oh my. My stomach just turned. I just read this post. How quickly memories come flooding back!


I was by myself. Jonathan was looking after Lachlan. I knew it would be a long appointment, being the first with the obstetrician. Two scans and too many blood tests over 4 months showed everything was great, I was feeling great!


I went through my long medical history with the nurse, filled in all the hospital paperwork and waited for the doctor. She called me in, we chatted about life with a 2 year old and where those two years had gone. I climbed up on the bed and she squeezed the gel onto my tummy. Those seconds seemed an eternity. I could see the baby and I could see the stillness. Like yesterday I remember the doctor shifting her weight from one foot to the next, swallowing and then turning to me with a look that said everything. This little boy would have turned 1 just 3 days before Lucas was born.


Just 5 minutes ago I went into Lucas and was greeted with a smile. He is here in my arms, and I am grateful. Grateful for this life that I have been blessed with - and grateful for all the little ones that have not made it into my arms. This morning I heard part of a message by Terry Shock. He said something like 'Can it really be called a blessing if it isn't drawing you closer to God?' I am thankful for the blessings in my life. I am thankful for the blessing of loss, the blessing of grief, the blessing of miscarriage. It is these things that have brought me closer to God.