Back To It

I knew it would happen. I knew I would click that 'post' button again :) I have to admit, I haven't really missed blogging, but the other day I remembered a particular video that was posted on Lachlan's blog. We went in to have a look, and found ourselves looking right back through our posts. Jonathan was one proud dad, and created a blog when Lachlan was born although he only updated it for that first year. It was fun to read and look at photos (I did feel a little guilty when I saw how much painting, drawing, library time I did with Lachlan - that day I read a bit extra to Lucas and pushed him longer on the swing:\)

Then I was thinking about the little bits of my life that I share here, and how I like having this one place where it is. I do struggle with how much to put here, but we'll see how I go back at it.

Right now, I am feeling a bit in limbo. I have just realized I am a whole week ahead of myself. I thought the Sunday School camp I'm organizing was next weekend, instead of the following weekend. I thought my piano students exams were this Friday, instead of next Friday. I'm about to make myself a hot chocolate and ... probably hang some washing out!


I am off to the hospital tomorrow for a pregnancy seminar. I am 14 weeks pregnant with an amazing little baby. I found out when I was about 7 weeks, and the past 7 weeks have been so wonderful on one hand, and a bit of a struggle on the other. This baby was a surprise for us. We had been planning to have another baby for at least 10 months earlier. We'd been to the doctor again and again, and gone through the same procedures with no success. We decided to wait a few months ..... that is when I felt very sick and very tired! What a blessing! I had my first ultrasound, and was relieved to see that little grey flicker of a heartbeat. I had my second ultrasound, and was relieved to see that heartbeat but also amazed at how much I loved this little baby inside me. It kicked and stretched and rolled so much! Its all been so wonderful.
The struggle? Well, I know this is a blessing from God. I know He has my times in His Hands. But then there's these reminders of the past that bring along a little fear. Friday I will go to the doctor. It will be two days before 15 weeks. About 4 years ago I went to the doctor a day before I was 15 weeks. The reminders of that time are almost unbearable. I know I will be fine, and I know I can't live like that. Its just that silly battlefield that is our mind. Daily overcoming, being victorious over every thought, taking every thought into captivity. I don't want my joy to be stolen and I refuse to let it be. None of us know what the future holds, but we can walk each and every day knowing that our steps are ordered by God.

So, the love I feel for this little one amazes me! See it's little hand?!

Now, for that hot chocolate......